"Fuck Your Cleanse" Smoothie

Tis the season! For workouts and summer prep, that is. It seems like everywhere I look I see ads by celebrities and friends on social media for different magic shakes and bevs that will help you look great for the summer. Even worse than the protein shakes are the cleanses - whether they're homemade "lemonade" or a box of daily juices you can buy at the store. You can do whatever weird shit you want to your body, but I am sticking to my carbs-and-dairy lifestyle. 

Even so, there are days where I've eaten wayyy too much Chinese food at lunch and by dinner time need a jolt of something healthy - combined with a treat, of course. That was me yesterday, so I fought my bloated body with a hit of berries, Greek yogurt - and ice cream - in a smoothie. Eating clean is overrated.

When you've stuffed yourself full of popcorn binge-watching Olivia Pope or spent the afternoon laughing over chips, guac and margs, this smoothie will make your feel full and keep you from popping wide open from all the salt you just inhaled. Enjoy!

Serves: 1

Total Time: 5 minutes


  • 1 cup strawberries (I'd already washed and cut up mine to store with a bit of sugar)
  • 1/2 cup frozen raspberries
  • 1 container Greek yogurt - I used Chiobani Black Cherry for even more fruit (...in sugar)
  • 1/2 cup gluten free vanilla ice cream
  • 3-4 ice cubes
  • Sprinkle cinnamon
  • Tiny dash of gluten free vanilla extract


  1. Add all ingredients except cinnamon and vanilla to blender, covering tightly and pulsing until combined. Use a spoon to stir between pulses.
  2. Add cinnamon and vanilla, then pulse again to combine. Serve in a tall glass with a straw, and congratulate yourself on being fabulous.